Jabyn Tate Bigham

About eight and a half years ago my best friend, Rachel, met me at her door for the first time since I came back from a summer in Germany.  She was crying and had me follow her into her parent’s kitchen where she showed me a sonogram picture and said, 

“This is my son.”

I appropriately said, “Shut up.  You’re lying.” 

“No I’m not lying.  I’m pregnant.” - Rachel

“Stop it.  This is a joke.” - Me

“No its not a joke.  I’m having a baby.” – Rachel

This went on for another good 7 minutes before it really sunk in that she was telling the truth and she really was carrying a little boy inside her belly.

We sat on her couch and cried together.  I asked all sorts of questions and we cried some more.  I was in shock to say the least. You see, Rachel was 20 years old and about to start her junior year in college.  It was a scary time for her and not exactly how she had envisioned this part of her life happening.  Luckily we have a God who doesn't make mistakes and has the most amazing ability to turn what we think may be accidents into some of the most beautiful, life-changing, blessings that we could ever imagine.  And this time was no exception!

Two nights later I came over to spend the night with Rachel and we crawled into bed talking about what she was going to do.  That night her first response was thinking she should give him up for adoption.  My heart sank.  I’d already started falling in love with the idea of this little boy I would call my nephew and I didn’t want anyone else to have him.

However, the supportive best friend inside of me just listened to her and tried to remind her that I’d be there for her no matter what.

Luckily, she quickly realized that she couldn’t give this baby up and that she was in fact going to keep him. 

For the next 6 months I dreamed of what he would look like, helped Rach pick out names (even practiced yelling potential names as if he was in trouble to see how it would sound), shopped for all things blue, made trips to Abilene to rub her belly and help pick out maternity clothes, cleared my calendar for the end of January so I could drive home from college the minute she went into labor, and practiced what it would sound like to introduce myself as Aunt Christy.

I happened to be already on my way to Pasadena the day she called to say she was going to the hospital.  I was going home for Disciple Now and instead went straight to the hospital.  She was so calm and kept reminding the nurse to put a big fat check mark by an epidural because she would for sure be having one of those.

I left and headed to the church for dinner thinking it would be awhile before he made his appearance.  Only a few hours later her dad called to say the little mister would in fact be making his appearance any minute now. 

I hopped in my car and started speeding my way to Bayshore Hospital.  Crying all the way at the thought of missing this momentous occasion and cursing each red light I hit...which incidentally was every one that I came to!

I made it there and the darn nurses wouldn’t let me go back there.  Her dad came out and told them it was ok and I finally made my way to her room.

The once calm Rachel was now screaming her head off and showed no resemblance to my best friend.  I touched her foot and then the nurse told her dad that we had to leave because it was time to start pushing.

Pops and I waited in the lobby and he told me the stories of when Kim, Rachel’s sister, and Rachel were born.  Then not too long after the doctor walked out and said we had a healthy baby boy.  Pops and I hugged and then made our way back to Rachel’s room.

She was a little out of it because as it turns out that epidural she’d been dreaming of actually never got put in.  I was holding her hand and telling her what a great job she’d done.  Then a nurse came in and started pushing on her belly to check things and I remember Rach squeezing my hand so hard that I almost cried from the pain of her crushing the ring I was wearing.  I realized though she just pushed a baby out her woo-haw and I’m whining about my finger…so I should probably keep my mouth shut.

With each day Rach was pregnant I grew more and more in love with this life growing inside of her.  I didn’t think it would be possible to love him more…but boy was I wrong.

When he was three days old I stopped by their house right before I got back on the road to head back to school.  He was sleeping next to the bed and Rachel and I were laying in bed talking.  I just kept crying because the thought of leaving him was just too much to bear.  I loved him so much and didn’t know how I was going to handle not seeing him everyday and being there to help her.  They finally made me leave and I cried most of the way back to school.

That tiny baby grabbed my heart and now eight and a half years later his grip is still as strong as the first day I met him.

I spent the afternoon with him, Rachel, and little Davyn today.  I was watching Jabyn today and couldn’t get over just how much I love this child.  All day long I just wanted to grab him and not let go!

I was thinking today about the love that I feel for him.  One would assume that the love of a fake aunt wouldn’t be that intoxicating, but with this little guy it sure is.  I’m crying right now thinking how much I love him…pathetic I know!

I also began thinking…is this what it will feel like if the Lord allows me to be a mother?  If I think this love is so strong, how much more will it be when it’s the love for my own children?  Will I be able to handle that kind of love?

I am a very, very lucky girl in the fact that I’ve been blessed with so many fake nieces and nephews.  And I would like to make it known that I love each and every one of them…even the one that is due in 2 months!  Just wanted to give a shout out to my first nephew and the first one who gave me the gift of being a Fake Aunt!

Here are some pictures of Jabyn and I throughout the years!  Sadly, I must not have had a digital camera when he was first born because I couldn’t find any of those on my computer.