It's 9:00 am on the first day of school and I just woke up! I've checked my e-mail and all the blogs I follow and now I'm sitting here on the couch. Everyone's facebook this morning had something to do with either their kids starting school, teachers going back, or all my former seniors starting their first day of college...and I'm sitting here on my couch in my pajamas!
I was saying last night that I'm not quite sure when it will all really hit me that I'm not going back this year and how I was predicting it would still be awhile because today would probably just feel like another day of summer break. But as rarely as I like to admit this...I think I was wrong!
I'm sad I'm not at school with everyone else and experiencing the excitement of the First Day of School! I'm not meeting my new class and peeking in rooms to check on my former students. I won't get any hugs from kids I love today. I'm not going to be eating lunch with my girls and laughing about all the funny things that have already happened. I won't get my annual Sonic Dr. Pepper from Darla at dismissal. I won't feel that amazing relief when the last kid has high-fived me and I know that I have just survived the first day. I won't fall asleep on the couch around 7:00 because I'm exhausted from the day.
I realize that I shouldn't be complaining because I'm sure there are lots of teachers out there who wish they could be sitting in their pj's on the couch right now rather than having to work. It was just sitting here I began to ask, "What am I doing with my life?" Quite a loaded question for a Monday morning and really only the second week of my Year of Jubilee. I'm not a teacher anymore...so what does that really mean?
I knew when I made this decision that there would be some rough days with it and I guess this is just one of them. I have to remind myself that this year isn't something that I just cooked up because I know without a doubt that this is what the Lord wanted for me this year. I know He has big things in store for me...I just can't expect Him to reveal them all to me on Day 1!
So I'm going to spend some time in the Word and lay my thoughts and fears at His feet. I'm going to go get a pedicure. I'm going to run some errands. I'm going to go check out some fun books at the library. I'm going to enjoy this day that the Lord has given me even if I don't go anywhere near an elementary school today!