12 days

In just 12 days I will be landing in Haiti for a week long trip with World Wide Village.  Going to Haiti hasn’t been a life long dream of mine and it didn’t even start when the earthquake happened, like so many people assume when they hear that I’m going down there for a mission trip. 

Several months ago I found out that a good friend of mine from college’s brother and sister-in-law, who I used to know really well but lost touch with, had adopted two kids from Haiti.  Then I stumbled onto Jamie’s blog and all of a sudden wanted to know more about Haiti.  I found out about another family living and serving in Haiti and began learning everything their blog had to offer about them.  The next thing I know I’m researching organizations that I could serve with and take a trip down there.  The only one that I found was World Wide Village and then it took a while for me to even hear back from them.  And then even longer for me to complete the application and to hear back from them about when I would be able to go.  Since then I was randomly told about a young couple living, teaching, and serving in Haiti through a mutual friend.  Then through their blog I stumbled upon another family who just in August uprooted their family to move to Haiti so that they too could live, teach, and serve the Haitian people.  It’s amazing to me how much I know about some of these families just through following their blog and yet they have absolutely no idea who I am…the wonders of the internet!

The more I learn about Haiti, the orphan crisis down there, opportunities for me to serve there, and as I count down the days until I leave I find myself daydreaming more and more. 

Now my daydreams are totally outside of the box and I dream as big as I can.  For example here is how my mind tends to wander when I think about going to Haiti…

I land in Haiti and feel completely at home.  I spend the week making new friends and serving with everything that I have.  I take tons of pictures and try desperately to be a cool blogger so that others will follow me and read about my trip.  Throughout the week I’ll meet people currently serving down there and they will fall in love with my servant heart, go-with-the-flow attitude, willingness to be radical, and of course my bubbly personality.  Someone will see my gifts and present me with an opportunity to serve in Haiti long term.  Then I’ll return to the states to go to Uganda in November, where of course the Lord will continue to prepare my heart and life for moving to Haiti, and then afterwards I’ll prepare for moving down south.  Once there I will begin working and serving.  I’ll build this great community with the other people serving God’s children in Port au Prince and build lifelong friendships.  Sometime after having moved down there I will realize that it’s time to start the orphanage that I’ve always dreamed about.  Michelle and I will use the money we’ve saved over the years to open a home for children so that they can be fed, clothes, and lavished love on.  One day I’ll see the face of a little girl and will instantly know that she is my daughter and I am her mom.  Lo and behold I will adopt my first of many children.  I’ll live down there with my children and my friends serving and doing whatever the Lord asks of me.  Oh and somewhere along the way this hot 20 something old boy will come down there to serve.  Said boy will see my smile and heart while I love on kids, fall hopelessly in love with me, ask me to make an honest man out of him, and marry me.  Then we’ll make each other laugh and challenge one another as we live out our lives serving the Lord and adopting lots of beautiful little kids!

I mean come on…that would be AMAZING!  Sometimes when I daydream and I think about all that I’ve created in my head I think to myself that I should win awards for how great of dreams I create! 

The sad part is who is the creator of these dreams…me.  Then I think about how the Creator of the entire universe is handwriting my life and yet I’m desperately wanting Him to take my advice, erase what He’s done, and rewrite it with all of my suggestions.  I mean seriously?  The one who made pink sunsets, designed women’s bodies to form another life, who created trees to take in all the bad stuff in the air and produce good air for us and along the way make the very paper that I love to scribble on in my journal, the one who created laughter and sarcasm, the one who thought up the idea of a Year of Jubilee, the one who made everything just by saying so…He is who I think needs my suggestions?

It’s hard to let go of those daydreams though.  I mean there are times that I go above and beyond to try my best to make those daydreams a reality for me.  It of course never works out and I end up feeling disappointed. 

I’m only 12 days away from experiencing what the Lord is doing in Haiti.  That means only 12 days left to let go of the death grip I have on my plans and lay them at the Lord’s feet and walk away so that I can’t try and take them back.

Really what it means is I have 12 days left to try and put my full trust in the Lord.  That tiny five letter word can make me so mad because it is the biggest struggle I’ve ever had in my life.  Can I trust that if I go to Haiti and the Lord says “This isn’t where I want you,” that I can handle that and be open to what He may have in store for me…even if it means staying in Dallas?  Can I trust Him with all my fears, concerns, and excitement with the possibility of being called to stay down there long term?  Can I trust Him to bring my gold in the form of a man to me in His timing or hold me in His arms if singleness is my calling?  Can I trust Him to say I’m called to adoption advocacy rather than adoption itself?  Ultimately can I trust Him to dream up far greater and even far more satisfying plans for me than I can? 

This is my prayer…that I would learn to trust.  That I would learn how to live that word and not just spout it off when it seems appropriate or like the right encouragement to others.  That I would live a life where I sacrifice my will for what the Lord’s will is.

12 days left…can I do this?