Saturday, November 26, 2011

Three Years


It still blows my mind to think that its been three whole years since I got the call saying my dad was gone.  It’s crazy how three years can seem like forever and like no time has passed at all at the same time.

The past two anniversaries I’ve been out of the country and this year I was right back where I started…Pasadena.  Every anniversary has been different in some way.  This year I woke up and, like usual, knew immediately what today was.  However, I didn’t wallow in it all day.

I lounged around this morning with my mom.  Did a Wal-Mart run with Clay where we laughed and laughed.  Played and played with my niece and nephew, Bella and Mason.

I was always aware of what today was and smiled everytime I got a text message from a friend who wrote to say they loved me, were thinking about me, and praying for me.  How loved I feel when even after three years its not just me who remembers.

Just 40 more minutes until Year Four begins. 

Dear Dad,
I miss you so much.  Sometimes I can see your face in my head and am suddenly crying.  I went to the cemetery yesterday and sat by your grave.  I tried so hard to stare at the pastures and make you appear.  I wanted so desperately to see your face or hear your voice.  I’d give anything to have you back.  You would love having me back home again.  I work so close to your house.  You’d laugh at all my pictures of my funny outfits for school.  You could help me fix my record player and tell me old stories about where your records all came from.  Oh and you would be so proud of Clay and what he’s doing!  I miss you so much and love you even more.

Love,
Your Daughter

Dear Father,
I miss my daddy so much.  I know he’s with you and I can’t thank you enough for that.  I was reminded yesterday that my dad is now no longer in pain and that’s because you healed him and made him new.  Thank you for not letting him hurt.  Thank you for getting me to a new place this year.  Thank you for letting me get angry and yell at you at times and never holding it against me.  Thank you for understanding my pain and being patient with me.  You are good and I love you.

Love,
Your Daughter

PS.  My heart hurts so much for Jodi and the loss of her sweet baby Luke and for Laura and the loss of her precious mother both this week.  Hold them in your arms the way you’ve held me and remind them of your goodness and grace.

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